Three Bags of Donut Holes
New Windows at a Strip Mall, Prosper TX.
I just played a well-executed game of chess. It's a pleasant and overcast day, my wife has the day off, and I can do anything I like.
Nothing feels appealing.
I'm not depressed. I had a good workout yesterday, helped Mom with a few things, had lunch with a friend. Objectively, life is good. I just feel bored and numb.
I understand now why people get addicted to child-rearing. There's always something to do! When you're no longer doing laundry, dishes, meal plans, transportation, and emotional support for tiny people, after doing it for 20 years, there's a big gap to fill. I miss being that version of me. That guy was always trying to catch up with something.
I don't really care about getting better at chess. I'm a 1200 or so on the big chess site, and that feels good enough. I do enjoy learning new openings, though. Those are fun. My latest is the King's Indian, which sounds like something racist from the 19th century, but really just means "you set up like the 19th century Indian chess masters do, with your bishop fianchetto'd on the king's side of the board." That may be the nerdiest thing I've said in my entire life, next to "my sorcerer's out of spell slots."
I could plan for the future, i.e. look at real estate in the Philippines and try to figure out which combo of healthcare, climate, affordability, family proximity, and access to airport seems best. Or I could focus on the here and now, drive to the nearest strip mall, and pick up three bags of donut holes. Man, that sounds good. I haven't had a donut in years.
What am I supposed to do, when there's no pressure (or compulsion) to do anything?