Welcome to the People's Republic of North Corporea
North Tower, The Campbell Centre, Dallas TX. The gold color comes from a microscopic coating of real gold within the glass panels.
You have been invited to a Zoom call where we will celebrate the careers of two long-term comrades who are leaving the company. You will be on camera and you will be sad. If you are not sufficiently sad, you may be shot out of a cannon.
One comrade was fired, and the other is retiring. Which is which? (Bet you can't tell!)
The following phrases are approved for use on this call:
- Your STEADFAST leadership is an inspiration
- Wishing you ALL the best for your next chapter
- Happy for your next AMAZING phase in life
- Your guidance had a REAL impact
- What we created together MATTERED
- You are a LEGEND
If all these phrases or their sycophantic equivalents are not all used by the end of the call, one random participant will be shot out of a cannon. (Bet you can't guess which one!)
[Muzak, hold tone, three-note Zoom jingle]
Automated Voice: "Your microphone has been muted by the host."
Dear Leader: "So glad to see so many shining faces on the call!"
Zoom Facilitator (whispers): That's it. Good. Good clapping. Eyes could be puffier, though.
Dear Leader (leans off camera): Who's that on the bottom right of the Brady Bunch grid? No, one over. Down one. No, don't click to the next screen. Go back. There. By the woman with the jars of essential oils in her background. Yes. Him. 'Rick?' Hmm. He looks... well, it isn't SAD exactly. It's... carefully neutral. No, not blank. MANAGED. Notice the slow blinks, the minimal use of personal energy. It's like he's translating a dead language and he could say something back, but chooses not to. My God, the spiritual mastery this man exudes.
Zoom Facilitator (nodding): I'll get the cannon, Sir.